Noodles: A Brief and Largely Unserious History

Look. We need to talk about noodles.

Noodles are, scientifically speaking, what happens when flour catches feelings. You take some humble wheat, introduce it to water, and boom — you’ve invented a 4,000-year-old global conspiracy to make people happy. China, Italy, Japan, Korea, and roughly every grandmother on Earth have all independently arrived at the same conclusion: long carbs are emotionally superior.

Things noodles are good at

• Soaking up sauce like a tiny absorbent overachiever
• Being eaten at 11pm with no judgement
• Making you feel like you’ve cooked something even when you haven’t
• Pretending to be a vegetable (we know, ramen — we know)

Things noodles are bad at

• Staying on the fork
• Being eaten gracefully on a first date
• Existing in a sensible portion size (one serving = however much fits in the pot)
• Standing up for themselves in a draft

A philosophical question

Is a noodle a sandwich? No. Is a noodle a beverage? Sometimes — see: noodle soup, the only soup that fights back. Is a noodle a friend? Always.

The noodle’s hidden talent

Noodles are remarkably good at adapting. Hot. Cold. Stir-fried. Soupified. Salad-ified. Smuggled into a casserole at a potluck. There is no situation a noodle cannot improve, with the possible exception of an actual emergency, where the noodle will admittedly just sit there looking delicious and unhelpful.

This page exists because someone needed to confirm that beta.cobd.ca was rendering correctly. It now also exists because noodles deserve better than a stub.